My Intro

Most of you may know me but for those who don't, I am Latoya. I'm a 27 year old stay at home mom of a four year old and a two year old. Before this blog began, I had reoccurring conversations with friends and relatives about finding one's purpose in life. Most of them said their current position was a far cry from what they had planned and as more and more time passes they become more and more anxious about the future. With the 30s and 40s fast approaching, the window of opportunity to achieve those premeditated goals seem to be shrinking, and for some, has disappeared completely. About a year and a half ago, I had those same thoughts. Everything in my life had changed drastically. I didn't feel strong enough to accept that my plan may have to be altered or that it was possible that I had to scrap it and create a different one. I was lost and desperately trying to rediscover why I was here.

As a child, I discovered my love of caring for others; both physically and emotionally. Even with this discovery, I wasn't really sure how or when my purpose would reveal itself. In high school, while taking Health Occupations, my fascination with medical terminology, medical procedures, and the human body began. I decided then and there that becoming a doctor tied in the things I loved the most; the medical aspect and satisfying other's needs. I majored in pre-med Biology in college. I was a very eager freshman; determined to pass my courses, graduate, and get into medical school. Hurricane Katrina, tons of family issues, and two schools later, my eagerness had slowly faded. I came to the realization that I was in school just because that was expected of me. My thoughts were "finish what you start no matter what the cost; even if that includes your own happiness." There were so many people that believed in me and I couldn't let them down. I decided to transfer to get a fresh start and get better focused. I secretly hopped most of my credits didn't transfer because I knew the C's and some of the B's weren't my best and I could and would do better the next go round. My mind was made up. Id finish up my current semester, the following one also, then start fresh the next fall. Months later, that eagerness began to fade once more when I discovered I was pregnant.

I knew it would push my plan back a semester but it was still possible. Lo and behold, one incident of morning sickness quickly changed that plan. The thought of knowing my pregnancy would be disapproving to the people around me, hurt me to the core. I decided to just drop out and keep it to myself and my small circle of loved ones.

Not quite sure if it was postpartum or just the emotions carrying over from the pregnancy, but things seemed to become worse for me. There were many days I would keep to myself and lock the entire world out. I would close the curtains, refusing to let any light in. My daughter was the only thing that got me up every day. Taking care of her, in my mind, was my only reason for existence. Truth was, I needed her more than she needed me. I needed to care for someone; to make someone smile and happy, even in the midst of my misery. I had hit rock bottom but she had saved me.

After a few months, I began to examine the damage that had occurred within me. School was the farthest thing from my mind; I just wanted peace of mind. While looking for that peace, I stumbled upon it and also something else; love. I found a job and knew this was the start of something great. Months later, that love and that peace created a life; my son. I decided, after his birth I would be in a much better position and could go back to school, even if it were part time. Once again, my plans were changed. This pregnancy was so rough I quit my job, spent my days in the bed with my head in a small trashcan, and had begun taking blood pressure pills three times a day. Four months in, during a routine ultrasound we discovered something was wrong. After being referred to a high risk OBGYN, we still weren't sure exactly what it was. They then referred me to a pediatric cardiologist to have a neonatal echo done. They discovered that his heart was the problem but until he was born, they couldn't tell the extent of it. So we waited. After my second amniocentesis, during my 36th week, he decided the wait was over.

After birth, he was sent directly to the NICU and was diagnosed with AV canal defect and also had a common atria. Miraculously we only stayed in the hospital four days. The doctors said sometimes, the body systems work correctly in the beginning, then after a few weeks they become disturbed.

They scheduled his first surgery when he was three months old, another at 8 months, and the last thus far, a few weeks later. Outside of the surgeries, he has been hospitalized four times, has had an NG tube, and has had physical, occupational, and speech therapies. During the course of all of this, I realized just how much Health Occupations had prepared me for this. It took a while, but in the middle of all of it, I realized a portion of my purpose was being served. It wasn't part of my plan, but it was a new plan; much better than my own.

I remember reading somewhere recently that God gives special babies to special people. I knew he was special but that wasn't the way I saw myself. To me, I was just a mother, raising him and his sister, the best way I knew how. Yeah I had been through things but who hadn't? What was so great about me? Then a very close friend of mine brought to my attention that there is wisdom in trials and pain. Everything you go through has a lesson in the end. She asked me, other than my family, what is the one thing I love the most? I said I like to help others in need by encouraging them with my words. I can’t do much physically for others like before since my time is invested fully into my children. She said that my power to help could be through my words and I wondered if she was right. I don't know everything but I have endured some heavy storms. I'm a true believer that helping others helps you in return. I find myself receiving advice while giving it to others. I hope this blog can be beneficial to anyone, who like me, is searching for purpose, meaning, or just a different outlook on life. Bear with me; I'm new to this. I'm not used to being this open and it scares me to death. I have prayed and this is one of the things that I fear but feel that God is calling me to do.